Poetry

Okay, so I thought I'll try some poetry. Jean has inspired me.

This is my first shot at a Villanelle. Do tell me what you think.

Gleefully dancing on his grave,

His sin, her justice, meet,

The revenge the bride once craved.

No act was quite so brave,

To stand on her own two feet,

Gleefully dancing on his grave.

Her life she almost gave,

To a heart that had no beat,

The revenge the bride once craved.

A road to hell is paved,

A spirit finally freed,

Gleefully dancing on his grave.

The demons cheer and rave,

The rich afterworld greets,

The revenge the bride once craved.

The cold body of this knave

Consents to his defeat,

Gleefully dancing on his grave,

The revenge the bride once craved.

---

24 hours

In less than 24 hours, I will be at home, sitting at the kitchen table, listening to the soothing sounds of the water in the pond, watching Mummy tell Cookie to sit, smelling the fragrance of the coconut milk in the nasi lemak I am about to eat....

OR

I could be sleeping in bed. In my bed.

I really don't mind either.

Home home. We meet again soon.

Cheesy much?

A while ago, back when I had hair like a boy's, my brother and I spotted 'the Kraft boy'. (See pic below). He had a really cheesy smile, which was funny, considering it was an ad for cheese. I'm pretty sure it was for Kraft.

My bro and I, being the people we are, attempted to copy this boy and his expressions. Most of you would have seen this already.

Edmund, my now married brother, posing next to 'kraft cheese boy' ad. I miss you Kor.

Me and my attempts. I must say, I came pretty close.

However, now, we have found another talent, who's quite the natural 'kraft cheese boy' imitator.

Our nephew-Mr Ethan Kim Tan.

Look at his cheesy face and his pose in that Korean inspired outfit.

Can you not see the potential he has to carry on 'kraft cheese boy's' legacy?

And if that's not enough. Just look at his doll eyes here.

Ahhh, it runs in the family.

Good discussion

I just got back from Lifegroup and I really really enjoyed it. I realize that I hardly ever blog about my lifegroup. This is probably my first time. I'm so terrible. They really are, the best!

We spoke about 'liminal spaces' for a bit before we digressed to a whole other topic 'Boy-girl relationships'.

It was so interesting because Steph Tong and I were the only girls. There were 7 other guys, I think. But it feels so good to talk openly about it. I mean, to really hear what the guys thought and them hearing what we thought.

And especially because I've been binging on books on relationships (seriously) and sometimes it's just too much information that it gets confusing. It was refreshing hearing real people talk.

Eventually, there were some ideas that brought up really good discussion.

1. The list (you know, the must-haves and the negotiables) How important is the list? What happens if you meet someone who doesn't meet ALL the points on your list? How do you go about it? What's on the list? And should you bring up the list to your partner?

2. What do girls want? The boys really wanted to know this. I think Steph and I agreed on leadership and guys knowing want they want and where they're headed in life. Leadership and direction, the two main things. We had to explain this to the guys. It was quite funny.

3. The paradox. We also discussed how the 'curse' for women as stated by some books was that they tend to want to dominate in a relationship yet want the guy to step up. Hence, the paradox. One way or the other, something's amiss. But I guess being aware of it helps.

4. The fears. For man- apparently, failure. For women, being unloved...or insecurity. Another interesting discussion which got us telling stories of how those fears have led to destructive states. And it was so interesting to hear guys worrying about getting it 'right' so much so that they're afraid to do something. And girls who worry more about being alone so that they settle for way less that they deserve. And finally saying that that's why they both need God. For guys to find their strengths in God and for girls to first be secure in God.

5. Communicate- Then we highlighted the importance of honesty and communication. Because at the end of the day, even as partners, we live in separate bodies and we need to express ourselves honestly. Why guess when you can ask? When you can just 'say it' and save yourself all that headache. Honesty is the best policy. And alright, one point I got from a book is- where there is no honesty, there is no relationship.

There was so much more but these are the things I remember most.

Ahhh, I love good discussions.

Spring

Now, this, is what I call spring. Finally, the sun has decided to come out from hiding. Finally, the clothes dry in a day. Finally life has meaning again.

Through my blinds I look out and see the sun rays falling on the green grass. It has never looked greener. It's pretty when the blue is so blue and the green is so green even for a colour blind person like me. And the fence. Ah, the fence. To have a housemate who, in her bouts of creativity decides to scribble drawings and words on it with coloured chalk. To that I say, "write on!"

Similarly, I choose to believe in a spring spirit. Not in an airy fairy way. But in a 'let's face life' head on way. Things hardly ever work out the way you plan. Life surprises you. But hey, the beauty is in the learning, isn't it?

I don't think I've ever felt so wrong about so many things before. My ideals are so challenged in every way. Sometimes I think of discarding them altogether. But I can't. So I choose instead to face reality, to see the nitty-gritty yucky bits of it and just take it. Suck it up. Face it because above all things I know there is a bigger picture. That God is faithful.

I should be faithful too.

Categorize

It's an amazing skill that we use every day. We put things into categories to say that 'this' is different from 'that'. Our brains do it naturally. We live categorized lives.

I imagine my brain to have folders and folders of things. Boxes, stacks of them with yellow labels of themes- uni, food, boys (or a boy in particular), books, friends, family. You know, the way your garage looks when you're about to shift houses.

And it's funny how your thoughts just keep going on. It's easy to get lost in them. Especially when there's something bugging you and you cannot help but harp on it... on and on. You don't even realise that you are, but when you do, you find that so much time has passed.

At the start of the year, I made a resolution to drive carefully. That meant to concentrate on my driving and not let my mind wander. A way to avoid accidents. Sometimes, when I feel like my mind is starting to drift, I clap my hands in the car and make a lot of noise. Yes, like a psycho.

Today, while I was driving home from the shops, I can't remember what it was I was thinking about but I totally forgot to buy Joanne's sar hor fun with extra chilli. Didn't even think of clapping my hands or making noise. So I had to drive all the way back to the shops for it. I felt so silly. This is why day-dreaming while driving is bad.

Waste my petrol.

Thus, the holidays have begun.

So many things I want to do. I think I will make a list:

1. Bake.

2. Read.

3. Learn Mandarin or Cantonese (or improve at least).

4. Cook proper food, as well as go crazy doing what Jean and I used to do by simply making up our own recipes.

5. Exercise (which I have been doing).

6. Meet up with friends.

7. Pray more.

8. Write more.

9. Explore. I want to go somewhere I haven't been before.

10. Start packing for home-home. :) :) :)

Manage

Some of you might have read this already. Here, you may read it again. :)

---

I could explode right now. I know I was right about her being tardy and forgetful. There are so many things about her that I could point out as her failures. She was late today, she left the dishes undone, and insanely heaved what seemed like a bucket of salt into the soup.

It’s one of those days. The ones where I wonder why I agreed to this social obligation; to get married. One of those days where I wish I was free from commitment, from having to be accountable and responsible for not just me anymore, but us.

I know she tries and I know I try but sometimes it gets tough. It gets hard, it gets painful and tiring. We have our differences, we argue and now I wonder how we actually manage to get on.

The dirty dishes are stacked. She’s still at work and I’m hungry with a bowl of saltwater to ease my pangs. “Ouch!” I discover an ulcer and chew on it while pushing the bowl of soup away. An unconscious habit I have had since young.

I walk to the sink and start to clear the dishes.

I notice a yellow post-it sticking out.

“ Had to jet, sorry about the mess. I know you want to say ‘I told you so’ but I really have to run. Will clean up when I get back. Love you, Maggie.”

She was right about the ‘I told you so’. I was so going to do that. I cannot stop a chuckle that escapes.

Soon a smile sneaks up on me. I begin to soap and rinse the plates. I’m doing this for us, and not me. I know she does the same-putting us before herself. And now that I think about it, I guess that’s how we manage.